Bitter about wicker

I was talking about new patio furniture with my wife the other day and came the realization that wicker is to outdoor furniture what IPAs are to beer. We feel that we should like it simply because we think that everyone else does when, in reality, there’s nothing enjoyable about either one.

For IPA-style beers, when you go to a restaurant or bar, it seems that most of the beers are IPAs or some demonic off-shoot of an IPA (only considering the local/specialty varieties). Everyone tells you that IPAs are great so you try one and, after choking down the first couple of sips, convince yourself that you should like it and that you just don’t have a sophisticated enough palate. But the secret is: almost no one really enjoys drinking an IPA. Whoever was the first person to palate-shame their friends into believing that it’s an enjoyable beer is the closest thing to a super villain that we have in the real world.

When you’re out looking for furniture, 90% of what they offer is either wicker or faux wicker. Everyone sits on them in the robotic way that we all do at the store and thinks that it’s OK and that we will likely fall in love with it as we sit on it more at home. In the end, the experience over time is far from comfortable, a pain to keep clean, and it will start cracking in no time. I find it very hard to believe that anyone truly enjoys sitting on wicker and finds it remotely comfortable. We need the conspiracy theorists of the world tracking down the source at "big wicker" to get to the bottom of who’s the blame for this.

Maybe some day we’ll be strong enough to break the reality distortion field brought on by societal peer pressure on these two items. In the meantime, I guess we’re doomed to choke down bitter beer while constantly adjusting to find the non-existent comfortable spot on rickety woven chairs and sofas.